One day, a group of us were enjoying sunset at the beach, and my friend [lets call him J] got to witness my bug dilemma first hand.
He always thought that my stories of bloodsuckers chasing me – literally chasing me – where those of an exaggerated mind . . . until this day . . . . when he witnessed a crazy lady running kicking and screaming along the beach as mosquitoes and no-see-ums rendered my limbs into a red welted patchwork of bumps and ragged scratch marks . . .
a final plunge into the ocean was the only way I could save myself from the ravages of a million little itches . . .
My – umm – friends [ mmhmmm ] were collapsed in a heap of laughter and giggles, thoroughly entertained at this display . . . and when I finally emerged and limped pathetically back to our picnic spot I was amazed at the sight of NOT ONE red bump on any of them . . . .
” what gives . . . this is so not fair – why me? “
. . . self pity swelled in my tender heart as I doused my legs with calamine lotion creating murky swirly body art all over . . .
That’s when J walked up to me and proclaimed “girl . . . you just need the right tools . . . you’re crazy not to have one of these with you”, and he whipped out a sci-fi-esc paddle walkie talkie thingy that was faintly puffing tiny clouds of something in my direction.
“what is that?” I squealed as I backed away, still in a highly agitated state . . .
“This is about to become your best friend and it’s my gift to you”, he said as he thrust it in my hand . . .
and he was right . . .
“this beautiful magical wand of loveliness has ever since provided a shroud of calm in my bug vs lady battle and I am able to venture hither and yon with the invincibility of a warrior princess armed with a magic sword . . .
You can get yours [ aka Thermacell ] here . . . you’re welcome